Heaven and Hell

 

There are many ideas of heaven and hell

The likes of which we know to well

One being paradise in every way

The other, absent the light of day

 

I believe these places coincide

Here on Earth where we are destined to die

As well as live in such fantastic fashion

Soon we all may find an absolute passion

 

The indulgence in one’s passion I find to be paradise

Whether it be a woman or smelling pumpkin spice

The participation in what joy you find is a choice

For even as a mute we still may have a voice

 

Once one abandons what they love

Is when we find Hell in an awful shove

We feel lost and without joy

Like a child who lost his favorite toy

 

The experience of these grand destinations

Is as certain as one’s own reparations

For though we may choose to be in Heaven or Hell

Does not mean that this life will always go well

 

And it certainly doesn’t mean we will always be in one or the other.

What a World

The smell of the sweet summer air lofts around

The crickets and such make such little sound

I take a drag from my bong

As I begin to think about this life all night long

 

So many a times I seem to find

That the common sense once lost

Is now in a bind

And coming at an unimaginable cost

 

Laws now have laws to guard laws

The likes of which are scarier than Jaws

We live in a world where to succeed one must succumb

To constant injustice, or die as a bum

 

We have no hero to lead us away

From the cruelty we face

That grows exponentially everyday

Humanity seems lost for the human race

 

And so I sit in my old lawn chair

Enjoying the summer air

THC making my mind twirl

And I think, what a world

My America

 

My Ideal Constitution 

1. All drugs are legal and allowed. However, it is up to the state to determine whether or not tax payers money is best fit to helping the individuals recovery from the addiction.

2. Murder is punishable in all first degree accounts by automatic death, the cause of which is to match the crime. 

3. Theft of an individuals property is not only to be repaid in full by the culprit, but the culprit is to spend an entirety of one day as a police officer, escorted by a misdemeanor offender. 

4. The vocation of police officer is to be a treated as disgusting, vile creatures. 

5. The Offices of the Peace are to be held by a rotation of citizens of the county excluding senior permanent officers. They shall not intrude on any acts falling short of a felony, and are obligated to listen to the citizens in any need required. If an Officer of the Peace does in fact see a felony taking place, they are to call the senior Officer’s office and the senior officer’s shall act upon the crime accordingly. All Senior Officer’s are required to pass a psych evaluation and humanity test. 

6. The operation of a jury shall be the only deciding factor of a court room in terms of guilt verification and sentencing.

7. The right to bear arms applies to every citizen no matter the age, so long as the required safety classes have been attended by any individuals under the age of 16 wishing to carry and own a firearm.

8. All acts of sexual misconduct that are confirmed without any uncertainty are to be executed upon the individual in accordance to their crime by an individual best suited to deter the repeat of the incident. If the individual repeats a similar act upon another person, they are to be a police officer for the duration of six years. If the act is declared violent by the jury, the culprit is to be either executed by firing squad or released in the center of the pacific ocean with one gallon of water and one 10lbs bag of rice and declared unable to return to the United States of America. If they return, they are to be immediately executed by the individual who identified the criminal if the identifier so chooses.

9. All political parties are to be disbanded and declared traitors to the state. There shall hence forth be no more political parties, and the top two candidates are to work together as President and Vice President, with the leader in votes as Commander in Chief. It is no longer a competition, we will work together. All candidates are required to obtain the funding for their campaign by themselves. Any candidate caught fraternizing with any lobbyist shall be exiled from this great land.

10. The electoral college is to be disbanded and all individuals belonging to the electoral college at any point in time are to be declared traitors to the state and exiled to Mexico for the duration of 50 years. 

 

I hate how America is today. I despise the corruption among our elected officials. If it was up to me, we would burn the world to start again. That, and I do love a good fire.

Fantastic Madness

One thirty pack of Miller High Life, the only real beer to drink, one half gallon of shit Canadian whiskey, one twelve pack of Redd’s Apple Ale. The loot was to be shared among five people. There was also some weed, quite a bit of superb medical cannabis. We hid the whiskey under a truck for fear of conflict with the elders of the gathering, divided the beers and carried them inside. 

We went to our friend the hosts room, and shot gunned a few beers, then smoked. We smoked countless cigarettes and bowls, drinking along the way. What I love so much about alcohol, even though it is a limited love, is the fact that you can drink a shit ton in a matter of a few minutes, then just wait it out. You get drunker and drunker by the minute, slipping away into a fantastic madness. If you drink enough, the room doesn’t only spin, the world begins to spin faster and faster. You can dance, sing, fight, even smoke better. What threat women held disappears.

I stress the fact that you can. Reality is perception, this is a fact. So then, that must mean an individual’s perception of reality is their own reality. What you feel is in fact real, how you feel is in fact real, and what happens is in fact real, no matter how long the duration. The reality of reality is that it is fragile and can easily be molded into what you want or how ever you want to feel, with a cost physically and mentally.

We drank.

We sang.

We boxed.

We smoked.

We drank.

I threw up on my friends girlfriend.

We drank.  

 

Surreal World

The night was young, becoming older as the seconds ticked away. I did not feel like doing much of anything, and yet I still went out to mingle with my friends.

The drive to her house was surreal, as is my world when I am not intoxicated. This boggles my mind as it is typically the intoxication that brings upon the surrealism of our surroundings. The road was just a road, the trees were just trees, and the sky was just the sky. But within the simple explanations lies a deeper, more confusing reality that evades my every attempt to describe.

I detest the thought of my lacking of explanation.

Upon my arrival, I drank excessive amounts of what we called swill, the remainder of alcohol from nights prior, a cocktail the devil himself would spat back out and curse himself for influencing its consumption. This pattern was of course followed by line after line of adderall. 

As the drugs begin to take hold, my surreal world loses its enigma and pans into new light, becoming a world I understand and know how to navigate. The walls become walls, but walls that I know are held into place by studs. The trees outside become a sign not of life, but of the strength proper rooting can accomplish. And the sky, the sky is finally the heavens again. I begin to dream of the possibilities they hold and what I need to do to grasp my share of this brilliant light.

The feelings I felt during the night I still can not explain, but this does not bother me. For the feelings I feel whilst high or drunk, I hold deeply as my own, and are my codes to decipher. Anyone who wishes to know how I feel at a certain point during my intoxication without my willingness to explain can fuck off.  

Mr. Nobody

I strongly believe there is a single defining moment in every man’s life that determines all he shall ever be.

I don’t believe in fate, or destiny, I believe we are all on a giant rock, orbiting a flaming ball of gas.

I do not recall my defining moment, I wish that I could. Perhaps that is my definition then. All I recall is that I started off going in one direction and ultimately changed courses. For what reason I decided this is unfathomable, but this is who I am.

When I get depressed at night, I make tomato soup and try to make it spicy, trying to perfect it. I do this is remembrance of what my friend had told me in the seventh grade. 

Upon his return from seventh grade camp, he told me about spicy tomato soup they had served and how delicious it was. When I went to the camp, they did not serve this soup. I have longed for its perfection ever since. 

In the day when I am depressed, I think about death and how many times I had tried to acquire it, failing each time but growing more successful in each attempt. It is sad to think that I am becoming better at trying to end my life than to perfect a soup.

I do not wish to not exist, and at the same time I wish to not exist, throwing me into a paradox of unimaginable distress. 

I wish to be Mr. Nobody, but a nobody that everyone knows. 

Such is the nature of my thoughts. 

When I do any drug, for the duration of the high I feel at peace, I do not wish anything except to be at peace. 

When I do not do drugs, my mind is in utter chaos. I can not think clearly, I never have been able too. I do not know what I want, nor have I ever. I do not even know why I keep on keeping on. 

I wish to move to a small, desolate island somewhere in the Atlantic, where there the total population only amounts to a few hundred at the largest, and a few dozen at the smallest. Where I am nobody to everybody. Therefor finally achieving my ultimate goal, to be a nobody that everyone knows.

 

LSD and HIV

I was working, about to get out. The clock seemed to move slower and slower as it grew closer for me to leave and go to my fiends house, tonight I was to try LSD. 

Firstly, you should know that the night prior to this, I had fucked up. I was very drunk and was sitting on the couch with my ex girlfriend when she began to snuggle with me. Within the minute my hand was in her pants. Normally, this wouldnt be an issue except my friend had recently been trying to get with her and in a grand total of three minutes, I fucked it up.

After I got out of work, I walked to my friends house. When I got there, they were already tripping and having a blast. I hit thee dealer up and met him at a gas station, one of my friends tagged along. As soon as he bestowed the drug to me, I placed it under my tongue. We took the long way back so it would have time to hit me before we got back.

We had to climb up his balcony so his grandmother wouldnt know he had friends over. At first, all I felt was a high like pot. 

I sat down at his computer to check my facebook, but when I went to look at the keyboard to type, i noticed it was moving. My ex was also there that night, along with four of my friends and one of there girlfriends. 

As the night progressed, I felt better and better. The ceiling was transforming its rough design into a wide array of objects ranging from a celtic cross to what appeared to be a dragons eye. My ex kept trying to make out with me, but I was to distracted by the peace I felt coming from the Earth.

We went downstairs, the host had put on a horror movie and I sat down. Suddenly, I saw a grid encasing me, and I was ale to move it with my mind. It was everywhere and nowhere all at once, as was I. I went to the kitchen to get a drink, and ended up standing in front of the fridge gazing at a child’s drawing for the duration of the movie. 

When I returned, my friends were shunning me, ignoring me because of what I did the night prior. I felt self loathing and screamed, punching a hole in his dresser. I then proceeded to jump of his balcony with nothing more than a half ziped hoodie and sweat pants, and ran into the night. It was January, but I felt no chill. 

I walked around the town, forgetting why I was even mad. There was no clouds to plague the night sky, allowing the stars to dance in the heavens for me and only me.

I found a parked school bus and climbed on top of it, laying down to view the stars. My ex found me a few hours later, and brought me back inside.

 

Devilish Flesh and Cosmic Energy

I was wired. Some of my friends and I had done a few lines of coke, waiting for others to arrive. As soon as that goddish white powders flew into my nostrils, I felt the power of God. I was unstoppable. 

One of the people we were waiting for arrived, he had a hit of acid he didn’t want so I bought it off him and took it. Within the hour, I had lost all sense or capability of time, it was nothing. I would blink and what ever car I was riding in would be stopped, already arrived. My heart was beating so hard at any moment it should have flown out of my chest. There have been a lot of times like that, where my heart was beating to fast or too slow and I would prepare for death. 

We went to a party, and I danced like a mad man. Flailing my arms about, laughing at a dying god and emerged into a state of cosmic energy. From across the fire pit I saw a woman, a very moderate woman who was eyeing me as if I was moderate as well.

We fucked.

I drank, the coke had gone with my semen, and I was left tripping over my balls and only a few beers. I think that could sustain me for the rest of my life, honestly.

My friend approached me, you could tell he had been doing some blow. He was talking about how Goodwill was evil and all humans were made of devilish flesh, being both Satan and God. Cursed with the knowledge of right and wrong with no real tool to fight our darkest desires. He was freaking me the fuck out.  

Halloween

Around this time, I had found a way to make a few hundred dollars at least within an hour, this was also when I had met a man who I’ll only call Ringwald. I made some money, and he had two things. Three pills of ecstasy, and a bunch of Molly. For those who do not know, molly is like cocaine’s cousin, lasting longer with the increased energy. I kid you not, you feel like you can punch a fucking hole through time and space.

Me with money on Halloween with hundreds of dollars was a perfect storm. I bought 120 beers, and put them in a garbage bag. Then, I bought the ecstasy and took all three, spending the last of my money on molly, partially filling a tic tac container. With such a vast amount of items, we all decided to go to MSU to party at a friends cousins. The night was to be fantastic.

By the time we arrived, my friends and I had done a lot of intoxicants, and I still had a bag of beer. My friends cousin was pretty cool I suppose, but he spent to much time talking. So a few of us left his apartment to scour the streets.

It is crazy the amount of friends you make being with a drug dealer and a hundred beers at a party.

By the end of the night, I had managed to find myself alone, walking the streets with only fifteen or so beers and two cigarettes. My vision was limited, and I looked like a jack ass. Then, by god’s good grace, a fairly attractive woman dressed as some ironic character dragged me into another frat house and an hour later I was my old self again.  

Spring Break

My first taste of constant partying occurred during one of my spring breaks. My friends parents were gone for two weeks, and had entrusted him to guard the house. For only a second did we hesitate to throw a party, and before we knew it the house was full.

I had a flask I kept full at all times, dumping it down some poor kids throat because his cousin asked me to (I just saw the kid a few days ago, he thanked me profusely). Every day we drank excessive amounts, stealing hard liquor from a large chain store by the gallons. I would mix vodka and whiskey and rum and gin and chug the glass, nearly vomiting every time. It was the worst drink I had ever consumed, but the drunk was so powerful I loved it. I was becoming out of control. I would wake up at 8 am every day and fill a coffee mug with vodka and drink, all of my friends did. I would break and destroy what ever I could simply because I could.

We would smoke weed, blunt after blunt after blunt. I had reached a high I never thought possible, I no longer felt a thing, physically or emotionally. I would allow people to punch me in the face just for the fuck of it. I would put out cigarettes on my arms because I couldn’t feel.

At points of time during the party, I would leave the main group to go and snort lines of adderall off random surfaces, usually off a counter or sink. My nose began to bleed constantly, but I could not feel a thing.